If you change nothing, nothing will change.
I have to read that statement over and over to realize that its true and that sometimes things do need to change. Usually there is room for improvement, I recognize it in myself and some days I am fired up to move mountains but other days I struggle to keep up with the status quo. Being on top of my game here at home is challenging, add into that building my new relationships with friends, caring for Tuva in his elder years, staying in touch with friends around the country, and making time for self focus and we're all out of hours in the day.
This past week had me sit quietly in a room (really with headphones on listening to music because I can't get peace in the evenings with a house full of boys) and trying to center my own thoughts. I have come to realize that, just like high school and a short stint in college, I need noise. Maybe when its too quiet I have to overcompensate and my inner voice just screams at me, its much calmer when there is organized chaos (hmm maybe that's why being a 911 Dispatcher was a good fit, it was chaotic the entire shift every day). "Quietly" I reflected and was asked to consider the question "What is it you are hoping to achieve from this program?" In all actuality I am staring at that question quickly scribbled onto a piece of paper next to me and it almost makes me anxious. I feel selfish when I am only thinking of me. I feel sad that I am going on this road alone, though I suppose I am not alone because a few of my closest friends and family are aware of this too and I have gotten some encouraging messages. What do I want....what do I want?
I haven't fully declared what I want (yet, but I know I will because this was from last week and I am onto a new week so there are new questions/actions to tackle) but when I do I may share here.
Excuses are so easy, they take a second to roll off of your tongue and you forget what your main goal was a lot of the time. Excuses don't have a particular time of the day they need, a special room or equipment, and they don't cost money.
This past week had me sit quietly in a room (really with headphones on listening to music because I can't get peace in the evenings with a house full of boys) and trying to center my own thoughts. I have come to realize that, just like high school and a short stint in college, I need noise. Maybe when its too quiet I have to overcompensate and my inner voice just screams at me, its much calmer when there is organized chaos (hmm maybe that's why being a 911 Dispatcher was a good fit, it was chaotic the entire shift every day). "Quietly" I reflected and was asked to consider the question "What is it you are hoping to achieve from this program?" In all actuality I am staring at that question quickly scribbled onto a piece of paper next to me and it almost makes me anxious. I feel selfish when I am only thinking of me. I feel sad that I am going on this road alone, though I suppose I am not alone because a few of my closest friends and family are aware of this too and I have gotten some encouraging messages. What do I want....what do I want?
I haven't fully declared what I want (yet, but I know I will because this was from last week and I am onto a new week so there are new questions/actions to tackle) but when I do I may share here.
Excuses are so easy, they take a second to roll off of your tongue and you forget what your main goal was a lot of the time. Excuses don't have a particular time of the day they need, a special room or equipment, and they don't cost money.
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